This is a seriously disturbing phenomenon that I'm sure must be spreading across the US. We get this question more and more lately. It's the strangest thing. It usually happens in the middle of a dinner. Courses are going out. Everything's on time. The food looks nice. Then... suddenly... it happens. A guest will ask the question. "How do I eat this?" Should we contact a physician at this point. It seems rather disturbing that a grown adult who has consumed food throughout his or her entire life will suddenly forget how to eat... and with food sitting right in front of them. The frustration must be torturous. Imagine having a fresh plate of food in front of you. Your appetite is healthy, then you simply forget how to eat. There are strange looking utensils sitting on both sides of the plate. One of them has several tines. Another one has a sharp edge. What are they for?!?
Should we put instructions right on the menu. Pick up food. Open mouth. Insert food into mouth. Close mouth up and down in a 'chewing' motion until it is macerated enough for you to comfortably swallow. It could be a step-by-step tutorial or possibly in the form of a flow chart. It could be illustrated out like those little instructions on a chopstick wrapper. I'm not sure which outline of the information would best suit the guest.
Maybe studies should be devoted to analyzing what exactly causes this to happen. It could be a mild form of amnesia that strikes primal motor skills. It could be over anxiety or fear of peer pressure... "Oh my God. Oh my God. What if all the other guests make fun of me or secretly despise me because I'm eating my food the wrong way. I haven't exactly been keeping up with the new eating trends. Maybe I should have grabbed that copy of 'Eaters Digest' in the supermarket checkout line." Maybe you're Julia Louis-Dreyfus in a Healthy Choice commercial and you should ask the question because you are making a disgusting pig of yourself. There is also the possibility that a diner's questions are based on religion. "How would Jesus eat this?"
But seriously, please think before asking this. Look at the food on your plate. It is food afterall. You have been ingesting it since you were weened. Do you really need some guy in a sauce-stained white jacket telling you how to consume food in your adult life? Do you look at a painting (even the most abstract non-traditional work) and ask the artist "How do I look at this?" Do you go to a concert and ask the musician "How do I listen to this?" It's not like you were placed behind the control panel of a 747 and asked to parallel park it. Take back control of your own free will. Eat the food whatever way you feel impulsion driving you. Taste a little of this element, then that element, or just eat several of them combined in various combinations. It's your choice. You have a choice. You have an option here.
Sorry for the sarcasm... well actually, no apologies are offered at all. Chef K has been prompting me to write a post on this for quite some time. We have actually been getting the question more and more frequently. If it's a gesture of good manner on part of the guest, we understand but it is unnecessary. You can eat it any way you'd like and it won't offend us. Our food is not complicated. If we had a piece of nitro-frozen jellyfish suspended on a flagpole while roasted canaries orbited it skewered on pretzel sticks made of oreos I might understand the confusion. All of our food is on a plate... the same plate. It may be arranged in such a manner which hopefully will be construed as an attempt at making it eye-pleasing, but it's all right there in one small space. Please enjoy it... or don't enjoy it. It's your choice.
